One Friday night, after much thought and consideration, I signed up with an online dating site. I answered some questions, chose some pictures, and wrote a short profile. Three short weeks later I took my profile down. The whys and wherefores can be discussed another day. But in those 21 days, I learned a fair bit about myself and about life. Here are those things, in no particular order:
Being honest saves everyone lots of time
I realised very quickly that I had to be 100% honest about what I do, what I like, and what I want. Otherwise, I'd be attracting a guy that wouldn't be a good match. And when guys were honest with me, I could tell sooner whether it would work. So when Jason told me that his latest hobby is sport shooting - this just after he told me was going ATV riding with buddies over the weekend - I knew that our upcoming date was going to be a disaster. So I cancelled. He responded with, "yeah, I wasn't feeling the warm fuzzies either."
There are lots of people out there whose paths I will never cross
And for good reason: we have zero interests in common. Cf Jason, above.
Certain types of facial hair make me suspicious
Moustaches and soul patches. Take that for what it is.
Visual cues are everything
This isn't about looks - not exactly. How a person carries themselves, including what they wear, what kind of hair they have (and facial hair!), whether they are smiling, and so much more, provides clues to who they are as well as their interests. If a guy didn't have a picture of him smiling, I wasn't interested. If his smile made his eyes twinkle, I was smitten. How traditionally "hot" a man is doesn't really matter to me. How real he is, and how his genuineness comes across is key. And there are the guys who just don't do it for me. **I feel like this particular item on the list deserves its own blooper reel, complete with guys in mullets, and the one guy who is holding his pug while wearing a beige t-shirt with a larger-than-life pug face on it. The thing is, there is a woman out there for that guy. It's just not me.
I prefer men to approach me
This one surprised me a little. And it could be that in general men prefer to approach women, because I had a lot more luck with men who approached me first than with men I approached. In fact, of the dozen or more men I messaged first, only three got back to me, and those conversations fizzled immediately. Whereas the men who approached me were more interesting and the conversations went somewhere. This might also be that I'm not good at consciously picking a good match but I can attract one. The jury is still out...
There are more dudes with motorcycles, per capita, on that website than in real life
Just an observation.
Some people shouldn't be dating
I don't mean this in a mean way at all. But some people have to deal with their shit. There was one guy who introduced himself and we chatted a bit. I realised early on that we didn't share the same worldview, even though we had some other things in common. I let him down gently (but firmly - see Honesty, above) after about eight message exchanges over two days. His response was to go on a multiple-paragraph tirade on how I had no idea what I was talking about, that he was a great guy and I didn't know what I was missing. His response was very aggressive. I had dodged a bullet. That dude shouldn't be seeing anyone until he gets over his rejection issues.
I like a guy who can talk - but also listen
I kinda knew this, but I picked it up really quickly. One guy sent me one- or two-word responses to my questions. He had such a great smile, but I just couldn't handle what seemed like air-headedness to me. Another guy would answer questions in a sentence or two, but not ask anything back, thus killing the conversation. I really shouldn't have to work at it. Yet another man seemed smart and lovely, but I got the sense that he would never listen to me. He wrote me responses that took me 15 or more minutes to read. And there were so many questions. His messages seemed breathless in excitement. This guy would never shut up. There's got to be something in the middle, right?
I'm not quite up for the active search
I deleted my profile because while I'd like to date someone, I'm not ready to go after it actively. I've met men and been on dates, the old fashioned way. They obviously didn't work out (hence the online dating profile), but it was so much easier. So for now I'm just taking things as they come, now armed with the things I've learned.
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