2012 was a strange year. The few people I know well who are divorced say that their first year was the roughest, ugliest year of their life. They were happy to see the back end of it. 2012 certainly was not easy, but interspersed with its moments of abject despair were moments of brightness.
2012 saw the dawning of a new me. Someone self-confident, independent, and sure. The person I'd become at work, where I'd been promoted twice in three years, was spreading to other parts of my life. I overcame my shyness and fear of a roomful of people to mingle in. I was calm and at ease with new people. I made conversation - both small talk and meaningful connections. I learned to be vulnerable with friends and trust that they would still love me. I learned to speak my mind and understand my tastes. I learned that I am important, too. My opinions matter. And I learned to live like I believed it.
2012 also saw moments of intense self-doubt and second questioning and fear. I remember crying alone in the deep, dark night, knowing that I would surely die alone, unloved, unwanted. I remember feeling incredibly small and insignificant. There were moments of feeling completely friendless. Completely rudderless. Completely empty. And tired, so very, very tired.
For all its ups and downs, for all its pain and suffering, I would not trade 2012 or wish it never happened. I do not regret 2012, for it has taught me much and left me with a better, stronger me. I do, however, look forward to 2013, and hope and pray it has more ups than downs, more hope than despair, more peace than anxiety. I hope that for all three of us.
