I went to a presentation at The Bean's school this evening. It was an introduction to the gifted program to parents of kids in the program. The principal, the head of the department, and the teachers all seem like pretty amazing people. They talked about integrating the kids' learning to their other intrinsic interests, whether they are artistic, sports-related, social-justice minded, or naturally more academic. They talked about the various types of giftedness, about how gifted people - and gifted children in particular - are people who care deeply about things, and how the faculty see it as their role as educators to help nurture that. They talked about a leadership camp where kids get to know each other, but also themselves. In short, they talked about expanding kids' horizons and teaching them to spread their wings.
I was really excited, and happy, to see that my girl is in such good hands.
Then came the parents' questions. They started well enough: what does homework for kids in this program look like? What are the expectations in terms of learning tools (do I need to buy my kid an iPad!)? How can we, as parents, support, what you are teaching them in terms of organizational skills, time management, and stress relief? All great questions.
Then things got weird, or as I like to say it: they got stupid.
One parent said his kid feels like his day of learning is done with school and turns to video games at the end of the day: teachers, what are you going to do about that? My thought: dude, first of all, your kid is learning all kinds of problem-solving and strategic skills (I say this as the former unofficial Tetris champion of my class), and second of all, that's your problem, not the teachers'. The principal's answer: much more patient, with a nod to working with parents to expand a child's interests, to motivate the child in a different direction, etc. Then another parent complained about buses. Now remember: kids are now taking public transportation to school. She basically blamed the teachers because her kid took the wrong bus home on day one. I couldn't abide by it. I spoke up: "That's the parent's responsibility. We practice the bus route with them." She responded back that her kid knew she had to take a certain bus back home but the teacher had told her otherwise. We actually got into a strained, raised-voice conversation about whose responsibility this was (I heard a couple of parents behind me grumble that it shouldn't be up to the teachers).
I had to step back after my third response to this woman, because I knew I wasn't getting anywhere. But I was so angry. We put a lot of expectations on teachers not only to teach our kids what's on the curriculum, but to go beyond that and help usher them into responsible personhood and citizenry. I agree that it's part of their role. But we as parents are responsible for most of that. Why can't we own up to what we are called to do? Also, why can't we accept that our kids make mistakes? That little girl got on the wrong bus because the teacher said, "here's the 600 bus that takes you to the Rideau Centre. It stops here." He didn't say: "take this bus." And even if he had, if the girl new she was supposed to take the 18, shouldn't she have questioned why she was being told to take the 600? And even if she didn't, she made a mistake. At the end of the day, a mom should just say to her kid, "look kiddo, you made a mistake. You're home safe and sound now, and you know not to take that bus. Take the other one, like we talked about."
Instead of letting our kids fall down a little - and letting them learn from falling down - we insulate them and blame others for not cushioning the fall. At a certain point, we all need to get bruises and scrapes. That's how we learn.
The worst part is that these are parents of "gifted" kids - the sorts of kids who are apparently above average at problem solving. Only it sounds like some of them don't even have the opportunity to do that much. At the beginning of the presentation, we were told that the skills of the 21st century are those of problem-solving and good judgment. Let's let go of our kids a bit and give them the space to make mistakes, pick themselves up, learn, and feel proud. They will surely learn to soar much more quickly.
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