I have had an up-and-down relationship with the divine. I grew up in an evangelical church, with the big feelings and the big faith. When I left home, I searched for something different. I fell into a beautiful family of faith: a liberal Anglican church full of love and acceptance.
But for a very long time, probably as long as my faith life itself, I have struggled with how to understand God - how do I conceptualize God? What or who, exactly, is God? I have allowed that to get in the way of actually having a relationship with God/the divine/the sacred. But I've never stopped having faith. I've never stopped thinking that God - whatever God is - is out there.
Over the past two years, I have had struggles. And during that time, I have had more blessings than I can count. Perfect strangers giving me furniture. Friends showing up at the exact right time for a conversation, a shoulder to cry on, or a pair of hands to help. Acquaintances simply sharing their experiences with me, that lifted me up and gave me hope.
Today, a friend came by to build a wall and insulate it; finally, the rebuilding in the house has begun. Another friend, with her husband, daughter and daughter's boyfriend, drove from out of town to pick up a fridge and stove I found used, and delivered them to my house; now I have appliances. The man who sold me the fridge and stove gave me some of my money back - simply out of generosity. I have more offers of help than I know what to do with some days.
And that's where I find God. Not out there, after all. But much, much closer. In the love. In the blessings. In the relationships.
So I believe. I have faith. I am truly blessed. And I thank God.
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