The past six months, from the last post, has been an eventful period. Not quite ready to let go, I sat in limbo. In the in-between place. I worked on me. I worked on getting to the root of why I had be so indecisive. The truth is that in the past six months, I have questioned and questioned my direction. Not trusting my gut. Not being okay - not completely okay. The in-between place was filled with turmoil, sadness, and a deep sense of feeling trapped.
Something happened a few weeks ago. I can't put my finger on the exact date, or an exact moment. But everything I'd learned about myself, everything I'd learned about relationships - it all came together. And suddenly, I was okay. I realised I'd been hanging onto something so tight that I hadn't noticed that it was gone. I let my grip go, and the hurt left. The pain was gone, and there was light again.
I take a deep breath, and I smile. I'm okay. I'm solid. I can do this, and I'm going to rock it. Because I have joy.
The wheels have started to turn on the final details of the separation; we've just met with a mediator, and we are separating the last of our assets. Soon, I will have my own funds to buy my own house. Our house. Just for us girls. And it will be pretty, and it will be warm, and it will be inviting, and it will be peaceful. Because I am all of those things.
It feels good to finally feel good.
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